Sorrelfire
Summary Sorrelfire is a young ThunderClan warrior and is played by Caelinus. She has a tortoiseshell coat with some white markings and bright green eyes, as well as a tendency to protect her right side due to a rib broken by Vultureheart in a skirmish between ThunderClan and ShadowClan. Anxiety is the bane of her existence, but has afflicted her ever since she was born; she has an INFJ personality, would be in Gryffindor, and low self esteem, but she is trying to force herself to be brave and prove that she deserves her warrior name. Reason for Name Sorrel - for her tortoiseshell markings. -kit - traditional suffix. -paw - traditional suffix. -fire - for her fierce bravery during the skirmish, although she likes to also relate it to the way her mother would tell her that there was a fire in her eyes that could never be extinguished. Personality Ever since day one, there has been one word that could easily be used to describe Sorrelfire: anxious. Constantly filled with intense feelings of anxiety, she is extremely prone to having panic attacks over what others would see as absolutely nothing and would brush off without a second thought. She has a painful paranoia of being judged by others, and of losing herself to her disorder; there are few things she wants more than to be able to live in peace, without the constant pain of her uncanny ability to overthink everything. Sorrelfire reads into the words of others, analysing them down to every last syllable, wondering what each sentence could mean, each term, each phrase, and questioning the purpose of why they're being said. If she can't find solid evidence to say otherwise, then she'll assume that it was meant to hurt her, and turns it against herself; someone many moons her senior could call her 'child' because of her young age, and instead of processing that as something similar to a mother calling her child 'son,' she'll view it as an attack on her maturity and will want to isolate herself for the rest of her life. She also gets dizzy when she tries to sleep, and sometimes feels like she's going to lose control of her body at any moment and have a seizure. Sorrelfire is fairly self-sacrificing, preferring to suffer herself instead of watching those around her be in pain. This is what earned her her warrior name; after jumping in front of a warrior's attack on her Clanmate and potentially saving her Clanmate's life, she was recognised by the entire Clan for her bravery. One thing Sorrelfire's mother always told her was that there was a flame burning inside of her, a flame that she could never extinguish. It is that very same flame that drives her to do her best, and prove that she deserves her life and deserves her place in her Clan; that flame that pushed her to defend her Clanmate, which was the reason behind the chosen suffix beyond her actions warranting that she become a warrior. She has a certain fierceness that is growing inside of her, one that makes her feel as though she can never give up, and never be anything but absolutely relentless in her attempts to grow and overcome her anxiety. She is very passionate about the things that she believes in, and will fight her hardest to ensure that they happen without fail, without fault, and without giving up. Sorrelfire is a bit of a perfectionist and expects everything to be where it belongs and be adequate the way that it is. Although she does not show it much, she believes in herself and her instinct; she may be told something, but she processes things intuitively as opposed to through what she has been instructed to believe. After she has finished thinking things through as such, then she allows to deal with things based on how she feels about them and how they correspond to her moral beliefs. Sorrelfire is very gentle in what she says, and how she says it, to everyone except for herself. Even her thoughts are gentle, quiet, reserved; if she has a negative thought towards someone, or pities him or her, instead of allowing herself to believe that she will find all the ways that that character has proven to belong on this world, proven its worth in existing and living. When it comes to her, though, she will attack herself relentlessly, allowing the negative image to flow through her without a second thought. She is very abrasive with herself. With others, Sorrelfire is much more caring, but her complex emotions frequently leave her and others around her confused on how to deal with her and how to take care of her without hurting her. Despite her sensitivity, and her inability to take any criticism, she strives to ensure that she has absolutely no flaws (even though, to her, everybody is perfect as they are -- save for her). Because of this, she monitors her every word and carefully calculates what she should and should not say... and because her methods aren't natural, because she rarely says what is on her mind, it leaves her awkward with smalltalk and frequently leads to her saying the wrong thing regardless of how hard she tries not to. She places a lot of importance on ensuring the order of the system, and does her best to find the most efficient methods of keeping things well in order. This may be the organisation of patrols (which she has no control over in the first place unless she is specifically requesting some Clanmates join her on a hunting party or something), her strategy with hunting, or the way she hopes her fellow warriors will respond in a time of crisis. She constantly defines and redefines the priorities in her life, because she feels that everything should be equally important with nothing being neglected or left to feel as such. Her intuition is a bit spontaneous, and she can jump from one thing to the other, and understand things without even fully processing them. Because of this, in situations like the loss of a Clanmate, she goes from the denial phase to acceptance with very few of the other stages of grief in between. She cannot necessarily determine why she understands something, and she does not always need knowledge of the situation beyond just sparse details; she just gets how it works, understands how it functions, and judges things accordingly. Though she is frequently right with her judgements, she does not like to make that clear, but she still puts a tremendous amount of faith in her instincts. She also finds organisation in chaos, and may see something as perfectly fine when others see it as a disaster just because she knows how things are flowing in that disaster. Sorrelfire is fairly insightful about other cats and situations; she gets something similar to auras of a cat when she first meets him or her, and based on that, will treat that cat a certain way or other with an instinctive understanding of things that nobody else may notice. She can also frequently tell the type of influence someone else might be in her life, just based on the first time the two of them meet, even before words are exchanged; although this is not always precisely accurate, she still puts a lot of faith into herself. Though she is not one to trust easily, there are some cats that she could meet for the first time and trust with everything she is; others, she never gains any trust for, regardless of how hard they right to earn it. She is very protective of her inner self, and is very deliberate with who she tells what, because she knows that she is very difficult to understand. She holds herself back, preferring to hide her passions and cares from the world, and tends to be somewhat secretive with her thoughts. However, Sorrelfire is also extremely warm and friendly to those she is close to, those who understand her a bit better than acquaintances do. Although it is fairly hard to get that close to her to understand it, she blossoms under the care of her confidants, and feels happy and free from her anxiety around certain cats. She is very concerned about how others feel, and is extremely aware of her surroundings; to her, it is almost as though her Clanmates can read her thoughts, and she ensures that any negative thoughts she has towards anyone else are quickly replaced by positive ones encouraging that Clanmate to keep on keeping on. She does poorly with conflict, and that can make her explode in ways that are very uncharacteristic of her -- be that physically, where she does something she would not normally do by sacrificing herself, or during a verbal argument, where she can range from backing down the second things get rough to standing up for herself with a fierceness never seen before, it can be fairly unpredictable. Because she internalises her anxiety and stress, it takes a toll on her body, and her immune system is a bit weaker than average. She is also always tense and frequently wakes up sore. Sorrelfire can be fairly stubborn when it comes to others challenging her beliefs, because she puts her intuitive side above anything else. She trusts the instinctive feelings that she gets about others, and having them doubt her makes her feel insecure and like she has no true moral foundation. Because of these insecurities, she constantly pushes herself to be better, and is never truly at peace with herself; there is always something that she could improve, about herself or the world around her. Sorrelfire does not take much time to enjoy the good things she does, while she does appreciate her Clanmates. She feels that her own actions are fairly insignificant, but others deserve praise. The warrior also feels the need to live her life the way that she feels it is proper, and refuses other moral values if they do not agree with her. She does not believe in compromising her ideals for anyone else, and very rarely will. She is a nurturer, and is very patient, devoted, and protective of those around her. She cares about those she loves more than anything, and hardly cares for herself because she is too busy pushing herself to do her best while making sure her Clanmates are happy. Sorrelfire does have a somewhat creative side, and prefers her independence; she has difficulty making it through life, but insists on doing so on her own because this is her battle to fight and she does not want to bring anyone else into it. She is very appreciative, though, and feels emotions to their very limits. Although she is certainly capable of making concrete steps toward her goals, she is fearful and hesitant, but still expects herself to be the absolute best she can be. Her purpose in life, to her, is to help others as much as she can. She may be soft-spoken, but she has very strong opinions and ideals and will fight for them without exhaustion. This energy is not frequently used for her own personal gain, and is rather in preference of others. She is quite humble and tends to become embarrassed when her achievements are pointed out. She acts with conviction and sensitivity, but strives to create balance rather than finding a personal advantage to herself. Sorrelfire is capable of communicating efficiently when her anxiety doesn't take over and cause her to overthink everything she might possibly see. She does need time to unwind after social situations, preferring to recharge on her own while doing something she enjoys -- even if that's something as simple as a nature walk. However, she expects others to treat her with the same kindness she gives them, and when they don't it can go one of two ways. She'll either isolate herself from that cat without any hesitation, and put up a wall that will never be broken down... or she'll try again, relentlessly, and a wall that should have formed after a second or third chance still won't even be thought about after hundreds of times of being let down. She is too busy trying to save others to focus on saving herself. She is creative in an unusual sense. Because she has a vivid imagination, filled with the colours of the world, and an overwhelming sense of compassion, she does her best to use them to resolve both technical and emotional challenges. Sorrelfire is a great counselor, though she hardly realises it. She is very insightful and sees straight through dishonesty and manipulation, and can see the connection between different things, but at the same time this leads her to be somewhat cynical and she can sometimes overanalyse things until she thinks that she is seeing through dishonesty when it is truly honesty. She is quite easily manipulated by those she cares about, because she puts them over her. Sorrelfire can be somewhat inspirational because of how she works to better herself, and fight her anxiety; she also appeals to as many as she can with whatever discussions and arguments she can, and is good at debating as long as she can find the words. As long as she is proud of something she has done, she will discuss it with warmth and passion. She can also be pretty decisive, determined, and passionate, and does her best to see things through until the end. The warrior is also quite altruistic, in the best sense. She does everything that she does in order to make the world a better place, without any thought for herself nor for how she is going to excel. Everything she does is done for those she cares about. On the other hand, Sorrelfire is quite sensitive, and gets extremely defensive when she is attacked. She hates having her motives and desires be questioned, because she does not necessarily know the reason... just that, to her, it is what feels proper and is what she needs to do. She does not respond remotely well to conflicts of any kind, and takes criticism extremely harshly against herself. Because of this, she tends to be rather private of those beliefs, and acts the way that she wants to act combined with how she feels it would be best to act. She does not enjoy trusting others because she fears being hurt. When she presents ideas, she has embodied them herself, and the idea embodies her; so, when it is rejected, she feels that she, too, has been rejected, and needs to perfect herself further. This perfectionistic image defines her, similarly to how her ideas do. If a thought is denied, she not only needs to improve that, but improve herself as well. She denies herself happiness and comfort in a certain situation, even if she has done well, because she believes that there will be something better in her future that she needs to immediately work for. Sorrelfire also needs to constantly have a purpose, otherwise she feels restless, disappointed, and the urge to find one when she may not be able to otherwise. She also burns out fairly easily, because she has difficulty finding ways to express herself outside of putting herself into everything she is and everything she does. Although she seeks for balance with others, she has trouble finding it for herself. In the Clan, Sorrelfire needs to know that she has meaning, and that she is helping others, all without invalidating her own morals and beliefs. She is afraid of leadership, yet hates to be a follower, and this is another reason she prefers independence. Sorrelfire values diplomacy over fighting, and sensitivity over conflict; she's happy as long as she knows that she is worth something, and that she has an impact. When she does something, it is because it has meaning to her, and if it is criticised then it destroys her morale and desire to pursue that interest again, even after she has refined it. She hates being the centre of attention, but enjoys being praised occasionally, because that is what reminds her that she does, in fact, have purpose. She is certainly capable of handling her responsibilities, as long as she feels that her doing so has a point. Because of her strong dislike for conflict, Sorrelfire has a tendency to seek out the underlying motives of certain actions, and she will do her best to make sure that a situation is taken care of before it even arises. She is good at management, as long as she trusts those around her to function properly; in the sense of being a Clan leader, as long as she felt confident in her and her Clan's abilities, she would excel. However, her anxiety scares her away from this ideal, destroying her confidence, and she has no intention of ever leading a Clan when she feels that she would fail. She views everyone as her equal, and believes they all deserve the same amount of respect; the smallest kitten should dip its head to the Clan leader, and the Clan leader should do the same to that kitten. Though she has strict standards, and expects everyone to have the same passion that she does, she is not prone to favouring punishment or any of the sort; instead, she will ensure that there are no future lapses in reliability or morality. She will work tirelessly to ensure the happiness of those around her, and do her best to make sure they know they are valued. Sorrelfire also has a foundation for kindness, which has been there since her birth. She genuinely cares about everyone else more than she does herself, and does not hold them to the same standards that she holds herself to; instead, she believes everyone does his or her best, and everyone should be encouraged for it. She puts her entire being into her every relationship, regardless of what kind it is, and it can be extremely exhausting at the end of the day because she is naturally quite introverted. However, she is extremely honest, and only lies if it means protecting someone else. Even those lies are typically lies of omission; with her honesty, she will be as tactful as possible, and will treat others with respect, love, and kindness, regardless of how she personally feels about them. She is willing to bend over backwards to anyone who requests it, and is very loyal to those she loves. She can be called fearless, to an extent; she will laugh in the face of danger if that means that her friends will not be getting hurt. She is anxious to learn how to live without her anxiety, and strives to be the absolute best that she can be. She tends to be codependent as well, which ties in to her putting her all into relationships. Due to this, she tries to avoid romance, because her paranoia causes trust issues with those she falls in love with. She is quiet and shy, almost to the point of being antisocial, but is extremely friendly once she feels comfortable talking to others. She is self conscious and has no real sense of worth, because despite her intuition, whenever it feels challenged she goes from feeling confident in her instincts to believing it is all very wrong. She constantly criticises herself. Sorrelfire is also terrified of losing those she cares about, which can be seen in her self-sacrificing nature. A bit nihilistic, Sorrelfire does not understand the purpose of life nor morals, and tries to find it in every possible way that she can. She has also noticed that her anxiety worsens with yellow saturated light, such as sunlight (or, in the human world, most of the lights that are on in the house when it gets dark out). Instead, she prefers softer tones of blue, like the moonlight. As such, she wants to be nocturnal, but holds herself to her responsibilities when everyone else is awake and focuses on being there for them instead. Traits Positive: - Honest. - Caring. - Compassionate. - Loving. - Friendly. - Brave. - Loyal. - Determined. - Intelligent. - Fast learner. Negative: - Anxious. - Shy to the point of being antisocial. - Easily hurt. - Can be manipulative. - Self conscious with little self worth. - Doesn't really stand up for herself. - Paranoid. - Quiet. - Afraid of authority figures. - Withdrawn. Fears: - Losing those she cares about. - Swarms of bugs, particularly ants. - Living without purpose. - Failing her Clan. - Being around too many strangers. - Being alone. - Authority figures. - Life closing in on her. - Yellow saturated light. - Drowning. Family and Relationships Paternal Grandfather: Unknown. 'Paternal Grandmother: 'Snowbelly, a white she-cat; warrior of ThunderClan. Played by Foxerie. 'Paternal Uncle: '''Unnamed, a white tom; kit of ThunderClan, stillborn. '''Father: '''Frostfoot, a white tom; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Paternal Aunt: '''Cloverkit, a white she-cat; kit of ThunderClan, died of greencough. '''Maternal Grandfather: '''Owlstrike, a brown tabby tom; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Maternal Grandmother: '''Morningflower, a tortoiseshell she-cat; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Maternal Uncle: '''Bramblefang, a brown tabby tom; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Maternal Aunt: '''Leopardheart, a tortoiseshell she-cat; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Maternal Aunt: '''Emberblaze, a tortoiseshell she-cat; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Maternal Uncle: '''Kestrelstorm, a brown tabby tom; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Mother: '''Maplesky, a tortoiseshell she-cat; warrior of ThunderClan, died by means of the lake. '''Maternal Aunt: '''Robincall, a brown tabby she-cat; warrior of ThunderClan. '''Brother: '''Whitepaw, a white tom; apprentice of ThunderClan. '''Former Mentor: 'Rowanstar, a ginger tabby tom; leader of ThunderClan. Played by Rowan. 'Future Mate: 'Ivorytail, an albino tom; warrior of ThunderClan. Played by Monument. History Frostkit, born to a soft queen named Whitebelly, never met his father; his mother never spoke of him, vaguely mentioning that he wasn't around anymore. The only kit in his litter who lived more than two moons (given that his older sibling was a stillborn and his younger sister, Cloverkit, died of greencough), his mother was very persistent on ensuring he grew to be strong and kind. Devoting her life to making sure he felt loved and wanted, Frostkit was a little bit pampered, and tried to distance himself from her when she became overly clingy. Maplekit, on the other hand, was born to Morningflower and Owlstrike about three moons after Frostkit's birth. She was the fifth of six in the litter, and also the runt; because of this, her parents tended to ignore her, favouring her stronger siblings. As soon as she was weaned, she started looking for companionship elsewhere, because she was lonely and hated it. Frostkit, seeing how isolated his denmate was, quickly befriended Maplekit and kept her company when her family was turning away from her. They were fast friends, playing together, training together, and patrolling together as they grew into warriors. Having been taught by his mother to be the most loving cat he could be, Frostfoot certainly didn't let her down. Anxious to be wanted, and happy to finally have that, Maplesky put her everything into their relationship. It wasn't surprising when, at twenty four moons, Maplesky was pregnant with his kits. The couple, very obviously happy with each other and at times almost sickeningly so, couldn't wait for their family to truly begin. Whitekit was born first, followed by Sorrelkit. The only two in their litter, they received all the attention, love, and devotion that their parents could give them. Not wanting to be as overbearing as his mother, Frostfoot occasionally alternated between tough love and normal sappy pampering. The kits, surrounded by this, became naturally goodhearted and loving. Whitekit, who could be considered more fortunate, was a bit tougher than Sorrelkit, and didn't take negative things quite so hard. But Sorrelkit was very impressionable, and saw the way that Maplesky treated Frostfoot, and the way she dedicated her entire life to his existence. These signs of codependency quickly started showing up in Sorrelkit, and not knowing what it was or how to deal with it, she hid it inside and said nothing about it. About four moons after giving birth, Maplesky left on a walk one morning to get a breath of fresh air. Around sunhigh, she still hadn't returned, but a patrol had spotted her and nobody worried too much -- she was likely just enjoying her time out of the den. As the sun continued its journey down, though, Sorrelkit grew anxious and worried. Whitekit, though worried as well, didn't let it manifest as much as his sister did. She became practically paralysed, terrified and imagining the worst. Wanting to help her, Whitekit decided to sneak out of camp to find their mother. Unwilling to let him go alone, Sorrelkit hesitantly went with, terrified that at any moment they would be caught by either a passing patrol or by something more frightening. They were lucky, by standard definition; not very far from camp, a returning patrol found them and brought them back to let their parents know that they had wandered off. With Maplesky not in camp, the patrol found Frostfoot instead, who, when Whitekit confessed their motives, was immediately concerned. Frostfoot left, tracking down his mate until her scent disappeared. Panicking and worried, he returned to camp but refused to see his kits and let them know of his findings. That night, none of them slept. The next night, when Maplesky still didn't show up, the kits didn't sleep either, but everyone in camp was insistent that they stay in the nursery. Sorrelkit was terrified, and her stress got to the point where she got a mild fever. Two days after her disappearance, Maplesky's body was finally found. It was one of those that was uncovered in the waters of the lake. Frostfoot, absolutely devastated, fell into a depression and refused to see his kits. It was difficult getting him out of his den to even go on patrols or hunt. Sorrelkit and Whitekit, obviously and understandably hurt, began to only rely on each other. Other queens did their best to help where necessary, but the two weren't very receptive. Whitekit, more resilient, took it better than his sister, coping decently okay but still upset. Sorrelkit fell apart, growing very isolated and pushing away everyone except for her brother, and even then there were days she pushed at him too. Her fear of losing anyone manifested itself, turning her from her moderately quiet, friendly ways to antisocial paranoia. After a moon of mourning, Frostfoot returned to the nursery in an attempt to restore his relationship with his kits. Whitekit was cautiously welcoming, letting him in but not letting him close after he had abandoned them in their time of need. Sorrelkit completely shut him out, moderately angry but mostly just shattered from the experience. She did her best not to display it in front of the others, but her trust in her father had evaporated, and in her mind he was doing a poor job of restoring it. Shortly after these events, Sorrelkit and Whitekit had their apprentice ceremony, taking on their new names and mentors. Sorrelpaw was trained by Poppybird for some time, until the she-cat came down with an illness that would just not go away. She was instead switched to be Rowanstar's apprentice, and despite her anxiety about being trained by a leader figure, she still bore through it and started to try to fight her disorders and cheer up a little bit. She and Sagepaw got attacked by a twoleg, which Sorrelpaw fought off in her panic before receiving a mild head injury. When she was about ten moons, ThunderClan and ShadowClan met on the border and fought. Right at the beginning of the battle, Vultureheart lunged for Aspentongue's throat and despite everything else in her mind telling her no, Sorrelpaw darted forward and took the blow for the warrior, potentially saving her life. For that, Rowanstar granted Sorrelpaw her warrior name: Sorrelfire. __FORCETOC__ Category:ThunderClan